Wednesday, May 31, 2006
It's not hard but it might throw you for a loop if you are not prepared. We don't want you deked out of your pants that quick.
Canadians have serviettes, not napkins and you sit on a chesterfield not a davenport. A Loonie is about 90 US cents, not a wing nut. We affectionately call Toronto "Hogtown" and Calgary "Cowtown". We unaffectionately refer to "Hogtown" as the "Centre of the Universe" and yes Canadians spell center like that.
Burger King you know already so when you discover "poutine" there, you will at least be on familiar turf. It's Peanut Butter and Jam, not Jelly, unless it is really jelly. Homo means milk too. The Mother Corporation is the CBC, we pay PST and GST which we gripe about but pay anyway. A Double Double is coffee with cream and sugar, you buy bourbon at the LCBO.
Hockey is hockey, not ice hockey and you Curl on Ice. Hockey Night in Canada can be in North Carolina, Texas or New York. A bush is just that a bush, no Dubya's or capital letters needed. Softwood is from a tree, not a limp pee pee.
The Speed limit is 100 kilometres and I get 30 miles to the Imperial gallon (it's bigger). A litre is about a quart and a cup is 250ml, a beer is 347ml in a bottle and 355ml in a can. A Two Four is almost enough brewski and a Naniamo Bar is sweet. If its 32 outside its hot, and 20 is just right.
Back bacon is canadian bacon, the last letter in the alphabet is pronounced "Zed" and the first "eh". Screech is something you drink and not just the sound of your brakes. We have lots of Queens including Elizabeth 2. If someone bumps into you while walking say, "Sorry".
I know there must be more ...
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Look carefully at this evidence,
Note the similarities...
Now that pickle looks a lot like this . Pickle Smickle I say.
The mousetache is another clue, would that Faerie eat a pickle looking so much like the Snake that guards the Path of the Snake on the The Land?
That stache has been seen before? Oh my devine Eastre, it was the stache in the picture the ProngER showed me of himself and Shy-Anne in happier times. I knew I had seen a close up before. Ok maybe more than once.
Don't worry Amber Foxian Faeries the super-duper top secret secret agent is about to return (remember its a secret, don't tell anyone ok). I will be following the clues across the country.
As you can see we have already started. Our top secret Mustache identification XronifryShavelotion device has managed to zero in close under the kryptonite powered microscope Superman sold Amber Fox at his garage sale before he disappeared. Of course it was broken but strange guidance under the full moon guided our tools in it's repair. Unfortionately the Stache was covered in Aqua Velvet so more work is needed in uncovering the owner.
If only we had a propane fridge, we could freeze samples for future identification. More work is needed, first dear faeries, we must discover who the stache belongs too.
Monday, May 29, 2006
The editorial staff of this blog continue to bring you the latest breaking news from The Land aka Amber Fox. Through tireless investigation during this past week, following the Victoria Day weekend gatherette, our CSI-trained staff of scientists has thoroughly analyzed this photo (taken at the aforementioned gatherette). Said scientists have confirmed the...
unmistakable trace of the Last Supper burned into the crust of a fried dill pickle!
This tasty morsel, available at fine chain restaurants throughout the U.S. Bible belt, was prepared by Geneva according to the low-fat version found in the Slenderella Cookbook. When the pickle was pulled from the hot grease there was an audible gasp! The apparition was clearly visible, burned right there into that ever-so-yummy and crunchy bread crumb crust.
To make your own dill pickle apparition, simply dip sliced dill pickles in an egg wash, coat in a mixture of bread crumbs and flour, and fry in hot oil until the apparition of your choice appears. (Warning: some apparitions may cause rioting.) Here at Amber Fox we enjoy dipping our pickles in Ranch dressing, but feel free to dip yours in whatever you like.
Faries quickly decided to venerate the Holy Dill Pickle. Unfortunately, before we could place it in a plastic case and sell it on eBay, disaster struck....
Miraculous Dill Pickle Eaten!
Fortunately, we have on film, captured forever, the glowing spirit of the Holy Dill Pickle as it went to its final resting place....
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Monday, May 22, 2006
I took a day out of the undercover stuff, popped my rain hat on and enjoyed the warm rain, using Shy-Anne's pool with a few friends, here a couple of us toast our most Gracious Queen.
Happy Birthday to "Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom, Canada and Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith."
Now Betty wasn't born on the fourth Monday of May, it was April 21, 1926. But then all you good Faeries knew that.
And guess what, her real name is Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor and she belongs to Britain's Royal House (Family) of Windsor (not Windsor Ontario though).
So lift your glasses high and sing ...
Dieu sauve notre reine,
Notre glorieuse reine,
Vive la reine!
Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us,
God Save the Queen!!
The picture above was taken on April 17, 1982. The Queen is signing the Canadian Constitution and Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Canada's best known Faerie, Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau watchs.
Many countries use the tune for their national anthem and it was according to Wikipedia, the "defacto" national anthem of the United States through out the 19th century. The song is "My Country, 'Tis of Thee." You can find the words here.
My Country, 'tis of thee,
Sweet land of liberty,
Of thee I sing.
Land where my fathers died,
Land of the pilgrim's pride,
From every mountainside
Let freedom ring.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
To do this I need some help from some very smart and fashion aware Faeries on some new outfits I have come across in a catalog. Please help choose from among these clever disguises.
To the left is a pair of Brownie Overalls, they could double for working on The Land.
Then there is the classic Blue and White Chambray Russian suit to the right that comes with a whistle should I need to summon assistance in a hurry.
Next I found what is called a Pretty Blue and White Chambray Suit with Bloomer Pants.
They would do fine for he office too once I gain employment in the far east.
I am leaning to this one as in this day, what with all goings on in America a White Linen United States Navy Sailor Suit ought to make me welcome upon ventures into the the land of the free and home of the brave.
Mark you votes or comments below. Don't worry about the prices as they appear to be very affordable. Remember not to tell anyone, I need to remain undercover cause that's what Super-dooper top secret secret agent's do!
New and exciting foods hand made with faerie energy...
Come to Amber Fox
New and interesting people...
(Well, at least meet new people)
Come to Amber Fox
(and be part of) exciting acts of outrageous fun!
So while Shy-Anne is away, time to check out her abode. The front is a gaudy pink, you saw it here on AKA Amber Fox blog. The yard, the gate, the view give the appearance of something lavish, rich. I tried the front door, it was latched with a chain, I could only get my nose through. Drat!
I saw a sticker on the wall, so I took a picture.
I went around the back of the trailor next, discovering that the whole place is a facade, the trailor that is suppose to be immaculate, the latest in Martha's Trailor Living, was not even close. It was clearly a 1950's trailor. I suspect it was the trailor she got from her first divorce. The back door looked to have this new picture painted on it, an attempt to mullify new new cowboy beau.
She is clearly going back to her roots with more than her hair by the looks of it.
The picnic set was augmented with a gas barrel hedge, the likes I have never seen. It was truly a sight to see.
I tried the back door, it was open! Of course it was, that is like it has always been with Shy-Anne, if you need company you use the back door if the porch light is on. I guess she forgot to turn it off when they sped away yesterday. In those days her show name was different I discovered. She went with the more subtle name, "Ineada Mann". I think that was the name the ProngER was mumbling in his tears when I spoke to him.
Inside the back door was this poster of Dolly.
It appears to be all she has left of her friendship with Dolly. The back is signed "To my dear sister, Shy Anne, Love your bigger sister, Dolly."
Oh the Humanity, so far have the glamorous fallen. I just hope her new cowboy stud can get back on the horse.
Friday, May 19, 2006
The Victoria Day weekend gatherette has officially begun!
Here on the Land we're enjoying a mostly sunny day after a week of daily showers and thunderstorms. The green green grass loves the rain, so much so that it's feet high in places. Fortunately, mow-boy energy is happening.
Look, here's a Faerie now, enjoying the great outdoors as he takes his mower for a stroll.....
See how friendly he is?
Don't worry, he won't bite (hard).
Mowers, mowers everywhere (okay, two). Here's the second proud steed, parked outside the Departure Lounge, cooling off before hitting the sauna lawn.
We at Amber Fox love to mow. The paths. The laneway. The trail to the maple bush. The Labyrinth.
Fortunately there's lots of mowing to do!
And as we look into the vista, our gaze traveling across the unmown fields, our mow-crazy brains can only think...
*We're off the grid, on a 52K modem connection, on a party line, and sometimes blogger doesn't work so hot.
If I wasn't around, no one would know anything would you children. I have learned today that Queen Victoria herself has decided to return to this world this very weekend and if you are on the guest list for the fabulous weekend at Amber Fox you may have an opportunity to kiss her likeness in person.
"Pooh pooh," you say, well its true boys and girls, my little Faeries. It was a sudden decision brought on by the recent developments involving the ProngER. The Queen actually touched down in Kingston to see if she could find a nice Kingston Boy for you know who. That's where I caught her.
She was not amused, but as I told her after my very deep curtsey (God it was hard to get up, just kidding, you know I am on my knees alot), "If you do the deed, then expect the read." The best defense I told her was to "spit it out" so to speak (they always fall for that).
Out it poured from her Gin soaked pursed lips...
It seems the strange creature caught on film by either Chip or Ken was none other than Prince Albert, doing some advance scouting. He was caught off guard when the new Amber Fox technology exposed his likeness if ever so faintly.
Ken and Chip both seemed shocked though as I have it, neither has ever seen a Prince Albert like this one, but this was the real thing. What now? They were sworn to secrecy with promises or threats of more Prince Albert's being added. I must say that was a surprise, I always thought ... okay some things are better kept quiet for now.
So there you have it, Queen Victoria will be on the Land this weekend. She will however not be in her own body, that would be too much weight to carry around, she will instead take out a little revenge on Shy Anne for whatever she did to the ProngER. Shy Anne will not be herself this weekend, beware Tommy, that is a real Queen sleeping next to you for the next few days, I just hope you make it through okay!
She wasn't answering the gate so I waited and waited. Being a super-dooper top secret secret agent I decided to scale the wall.
You wouldn't believe the view Shy Anne has here from her new summer place, its awesome. Still after catching my breath, I couldn't help but wonder what happened on this beach between her and the ProngER.
I found a side patio, overlooking the lake attached to her Luxurious new home. It was protected with all the latest saftey devices, so I could not get in.
The colour was breathtaking, how does she find the time, or maybe its not her but her Tommy Squeeze, he's not another Mary you know, he's all that and more from what I heard while standing out side.
There was a sign above the door, I think it said, "If the Trailor is a Rockin don't come a Knockin"
I'm not sure what that meant, anyway while I was contemplating this latest bit of Shy Anneism I heard a Jeep start and not just any jeep, this was a TJ.
Stop I shouted, to no avail. She was gone, that machoTJ Jeep swerving, just missing me, the gate swung open and the TJ Jeep raced through with me in hot pursuit, on foot. As I got to the gate it slammed shut, I was trapped inside, I did however get a picture of the fleeing jeep.
The trailer wasn't rockin anymore, better check out the inside eh?
This is just-in-time news for the Victoria Day weekend coming right up, May 19-22. Those dressed in their Queen Vicky duds won't have to worry about tripping over their trains in the dark.
The solar lights are way cool...so look for them in strategic places. Maybe even coming soon to an outhouse near you.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
The photo shows the first meeting in a super private exclusive men and boys only Virginia Club, notorious for attracting Faeries of substantial means.
Daddy Patty as I unaffectionately call him, quickly joined the group before getting caught with my new, super doper top secret (don't tell anyone okay, it's a secret) chainsaw powered remote crotch cam.
Here you see them all watching the Edmonton Oiler's game. The Crotch Cam is cleverly hidden in my spiderman chainsaw sitting on a table in front of the TV. I know if that if Daddy Patty comes to Amber Fox this weekend, he will bring the boys in the picture with him.
If Pat Robertson shows up, maybe a Daddy can spank him good, for all those bad things he has been saying.
One Oiler who won't be at Amber Fox is Shawn Horcoff. Here I caught him in an intimate moment with his "friend" on the San Jose Sharks. The team that Shawn helped beat tonight.
The ProngER is having doubts about seeing Shy Anne again, all I can say is he must be hurting inside. I just can't get him to talk about what happened between them. He keeps saying he's needs to meet a nice boy from Kingston. What's that about Geneva?
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
He sat up, like you see here, and by the time I returned with the camera, he was back to biting at the cage. He sat up again when I shined the light on him to snap this pic, but soon enough he was back at it, this time trying a new tactic. He reached down from the little branch where you see him standing, swatted at the cage with his paw, and managed to hook a piece of peanut butter. Tasty. He batted at it some more, but it didn't take long for the whole thing to fall to the ground.
Raccoons are pretty good at defying gravity. He climbed right down that cherry tree, upside down, more sure-footed than I am on flat ground. He headed for the suet cage, me trying to shine the flashlight on him so I could find him in the pitch-black viewfinder. It wasn't very easy, and the camera takes forever betwen flashes. I moved in closer and closer snapping as often as I could until he did a Greta Garbo and disappeared into the dark.
I went into the Erection to collect my things, and when I came out he was at the suet cage on the ground, biting at the peanut butter through the wire. As I moved closer, still flashing the flashlight and camera flash in his face, he backed away and trotted off. I felt a little bad doing it, but I knew he'd eat it all, leaving none for the birds, and so I snatched up the suet and took it inside and put in on the front porch. Well wouldn't you know it. He wasn't ready to give up, and by the time I got back two seconds later he was searching the area where it used to be. He saw me, looked up and started staring. It was a mean stare, and he didn't look too happy that the suet was gone.
Attack of the killer raccoon! Sometimes it's easy to spook yourself out here all alone in the dark in the night when there's this fourteen pound fur ball, all teeth and claws, capable of suddenly jumping up and landing on your face, and he's looking right at you and demanding with his eyes, "What the fuck did you do with my peanut butter?"
Back away from the raccoon! was all I could think. Of course it was only my imagination, or so I hope. He looked at me for a while, and then, with what seemed a sigh of resignation, he turned around and ambled away into the dark once again.
WOWSER, Progress being made on Impossible Mission Impossible.
The picture to the left is of one Chris Pronger. The big boy playing defence for the Edmonton Oilers. As you can tell, he is being handed underware from some hunky guy for sure.
My hidden Crotch Cam went fuzzy as it was about to scan the room. Currently Faerie engineers and pipsqueaks are attempting to recover focus and see if we can determine who is passing off what is obviously used boxers to Mr. ProngER.
Rumour has it that Shy Anne has been calling some of the Oilers to attend the Victoria Day weekend gatherette. ProngER went red when I asked of his past relationships with both Shy Anne and Geneva. It is clear it still hurts. I promised to help look after him if he came to Land this weekend, and to be sure that Shy Anne behaved herself and looked after him.
He started to cry, it must be an awful story! What did Shy Anne do to him? If you know or have hints leave them here. I will follow each one up!
I will be meeting with Chris again soon and more from the Crotch Cam once the pipsqueaks get it fixed. Oh my, my back up Crotch Cam just sent this picture in of Hunky boy Todd Bertuzzi of the Canucks with his new boy Jovo. Toddy says many Faeries play for the Oilers, wowser, our lucky day for sure.
Agent 002 over and out
pssst (It's really me, BoyRicky that's Agent 002, don't tell anyone, okay!)